It’s been over a year since we found out we were expecting Theo, and almost a year since we told our family and friends and announced that I was pregnant. Looking back, it wasn’t the most exciting moment that you would expect. Seeing two lines on a pregnancy test wasn’t the best moment for me and Sean.
When I think about it, it was sad that we weren’t feeling as excited as many couples would. We were 21 and 22 at the time, and both at University. Although we had been together for over three years, I think initially we didn’t know how we would cope with raising a baby – when we both still lived at home with our parents and living off student loans.
I first remember suspecting something after having sore boobs for about two weeks. I also hadn’t had a period in a while, but never had them regularly while taking the pill. I didn’t think much of it, but asked Sean to buy me a test anyway to rule it out. I was taking contraception at the time so I was pretty certain that I wouldn’t be pregnant.
We didn’t make a big deal about me taking the test, I just popped to the loo, not even telling Sean. I won’t go into great detail about how I actually found out, but as you can imagine, the two lines appeared clear as day on the test. I just remember thinking ‘oh god, what do we do now?!’. I recall not actually feeling upset or shocked, just more numb and pretty emotionless. I think I just wanted to put it to the back of my mind and pretend it wasn’t happening. It’s hard to believe at first when all you have of proof is two little lines on a white stick! Sean was in shock, but was so supportive, telling me everything will be okay no matter what happens.
Sean and I kept the pregnancy a secret from everybody for quite a long time, including our parents. We made this decision as this wasn’t a planned pregnancy, and I wanted to be 100% certain that every decision I made wasn’t influenced by anyone or anything.
This was real hard work considering my sickness was awful. It ended up that my morning sickness peaked over my Easter holiday from University, so I didn’t have to hide it from anyone. I still, on occasion, experienced some sickness while at Uni and on placement, but after a few weeks of the sickness being horrendous, a small amount wasn’t too much to deal with.
Around mid-May, we went to our twelve week scan at the hospital. Up until this point I felt like everything wasn’t real and wasn’t excited to go to my scan. This was crazy compared to my twenty week scan when I was excited for weeks leading up to it! However, once we got into the room and saw our little baby on the screen – everything changed for me. I felt so much more of a connection actually seeing my baby on the screen.
From then on, we plucked up the courage to tell our families, which was actually a lot easier than I first thought! After the initial response of shock and slight disappointment I suppose, they were all pretty happy and wanted to support us as much as they could. Following this, we put on announcement on Facebook to tell everyone else. This was a huge weight lifted, as we felt we didn’t need to hide anything anymore, and that almost everybody in our lives knew about our arrival later on that year.
I think people always dream about the excitement of finding out that they are pregnant and telling their families. However, finding out we were expecting a baby wasn’t the most happy moment that people expect.
Sometimes I wished that it had been a happier moment, but you can’t always plan or decide what happens in life. And I couldn’t imagine our life any different now.